RAGE!!

i want to kill it!

i used to think i could never be more angry at anyone. that my hate would never transcend the pure, unadulterated madness i felt when he talked down to me, or when she fabricated my reality, or when they refused to apologize.

all i can feel now is rage. i am so fucking angry i find something to hate in everything. i am blinded by rage. there is a hog and it is squealing and it is making my ears hurt.

why do i have to be the one to stumble in the fake ass rocks in the sorority’s garden while the white girls in front of me walk three in a horizontal line on the sidewalk. what fuckass white savior god anointed them with the power of audacity. why are they probably gonna be safer and richer than me in ten years. why do i always feel so small. why does everyone always ask if i need help. why do i feel like i know no one. why am i so angry.

i cannot see clearly. i hate being mad. it pisses me off so much and that makes it worse. why am i so fucking angry. i want to burn or smash something. i want to ruin someone’s life. i want to watch as the hog is spit-roasted.

i have not been this angry since the summer of 2020. it’s different now. it’s deeper and i feel like i am drowning. i am trapped in a pool of crude oil and it has made its way into my lungs. i keep trying to stay at the surface and the hog is staring at me. i want to take it into my hands and strangle it. i want to watch as its eyes bulge out of its head.

i am so fucking angry. and now i’m angry that i would think of such a disgusting image.